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- Man, what do you mean I can't keep my Dually?
- I was just going with the traffic. Why didn't the cop stop that guy everybody was bird-doggin'?
- Maybe I should just let 'em fight over the stuff?
- Yeah, I know her address. She's livin' with my Daddy and they got a kid together. Is he my brother or my son?
- I got a DWI last night. Am I totally Screwed?
- It's just unbelievable. How can you walk into a hospital and walk out owing $42,000?
- She never worked a day the whole time. How come I gotta give her half my retirement?
- I asked him for more money and now he wants the kids half-time. Is the court going to see through that?
- So why can't I keep the credit card with my photo on it?
- For $130 in court costs you think they'd at least send me a thank-you note, right?
- Let's see: The guy hits me, I miss work for a week, return and hobble around in this metal cast the doc tightens up each week and looks like a baby cell tower and you're telling me I gotta give them five years worth of my tax returns? Are you crazy??